Mighty to Save.

Bank has emailed to tell me my bank is in debit again. Feel stressed again.

Saviour, He can move the mountains...
My God is mighty to save, he is mighty to save.
Forever, author of salvation,
he rose and conquered the grave, jesus conquered the grave...

This song came ever so timely.

Thank you for enough strength and resources for the day!

Encouraged.

I was talking to this friend today who encouraged and spurred me toward God by sharing her testimony and own walk with God.

As much as i hate it, i actually realised that i do have the anointing to intercede and it comes together with my prophetic gifting. And that God shows me things so that i can pray for it to come to pass. Wow. I was just thinking about my anointing and stuff. It feels clearer to know more about my function and what i'm meant to do. Like how God always tells me abt ppl's situations and gives me a strong burden to pray for. I am guilty of not obeying him all the time. Sometimes i loathe this... but i've got to put aside my pride and just do it. Obey la. So hard meh? Yea.. so hard. I don't like to be know it all and tell all. Okok.. jia you. I can do it! That is what i'm here for!!! Retard per.

Anyways, i'm guilty of disobeying again. Jia you per. U can do it this week. Yes i can! Wake up already!! hahaa..

U know i feel that testimonies should be shared. It can encourage spirits so much and giev so much hope. Ppl lose sight cos they can't see how God works not in their lives but in other's too. The power of testimonies. It is powerful and i will always advocate it. I realised the times when hope and awareness of his presence and realness in our lives is thru testimonies not sharing, not bible verses but real life accounts of God movements in ppl's lives. Don't stop sharing and keep passing them on.

Thank you God for not letting me go and for pushing me forward!

Oh, before i go... i realisd another thing! I am so different without God in my life. Haha..the days i don't do QT, i'm an empty shell. As pris puts it ever so rightly, i am more myself when i do QT or at least when i'm aware of Him. Wow. So much change... so different. I don't know how to describe. Guess my posts also can tell right? Haha.. but sometimes is cos i pms ok. haha.. not fair!

Ok la, Peace.

Just Enough.

You know how God said He will provide just enough for the season? I just calculated my money and expenses and stuff. Great. Just enough for the next season. Even with a job... it's just enough. Live day by day man... guess he really wants me to be on my toes huh? Gotta keep reminding myself that I am on a super tight budget! today i sinned. i bought so much unnecessary junk food... i don't need those! i need real food... =(

On the other hand, God is good cos jobs now keep coming to me left right center but i need to get the right one and highest paying one of course! i received a call today for Bayview Hotel. It's my mom's contact... then over the weekend i went to a karaoke bar and they asked me if i wanted to work there! I didn't even say i wanted a job.. they just asked me to be bar staff and party planner. Sounds interesting huh? But i guess i'm not that keen la. Work in bar like a bit dodgy right? Of course pay higher la... but hmm.. anyways, so the count now is 6 job offers. God good or what? I hope GJ comes back to me cos i need to save on transport! Bcos of Famous Amos, transport has been killing me! =( I am spending like 4 times more than usual and each time it costs me $38.40. Super ex man... =( Don't know if worth it or not..

Anyways, i gotta freaking do my assignments now... i wanted to spend today to settle it. Ended up at Chaddy watching movie. Got scolding from Mah =( I feel bad... i should've just done it. Also, i think i should just stay home and do my work... spend too much money going out la. Also, God is good cos i was supposed to work on a Monday but it got cancelled. Then i found out i had an aassignment due on Wed. haha.. so at least i can use the Monday to do my assignment! Yay... work sucks man. Ok, fine. I need it... haha..

Jia you Per! Goal for today is to figure out my MER assignment and plan my time for the week. Ooh, meeting Huis ans JK for dinner tom too! Cool huh... That's my last dinner out that i'm gonna spend on. No more already ok Per? Ok!

Omg, the last thing i want to say again is i hate this MER assignment! it's freaking killing me! Super not funny!!! urgh!!!!

Relationship.

Today i went for a relationship seminar in church. It was really good. Mah didn't come cos it was the footy finals today and of course he had to watch it. So anyways, i learnt and gained a lot of insights about relationships and about what i want. i guess i'm really happy now... i don't know if i'm dillusional or what but everything seems right. He has the stuff i want in a guy except that he needs to know God. I'm not sure if i'm trying to justify but i seem to be pretty comfortable with that... i learnt to accept people and make a decision making process and put faith into sticking through the whole thing. i don't know. After today's seminar, i feel like there's confirmation in my heart to know that this is what i want i guess. I hope the rest works out and i'm praying that God show me more signs that He is in this with me too. I can't make this work alone man. Kinda like what Tim said... it's a personal journey and only i know, only i can make a choice and have the faith to stick it through. So yea.. =)

Last night i had a really good night with Mah and his mates at the karaoke bar too. Hehe.. i'm glad i missed mambo night at eve and spent some time with him instead. It was seriously a tough decision cos ALL my friends were going and everyone kept pressuring me to go. But i made my decision and kept to it. Also, tonight and tomorrow i'm not going partying any time. I feel good about that.

This morning, i woke up super early to meet Chrys for brekkie too. Its an amazing feeling to know that you are waking up just to have a really good breakfast and to enjoy good company =) We talked and actually had a gd time. I'm glad.. and she's gonna help me share for my house church facilitation session too. It was really cool cos over berakfast, Holy spirit told me to ask her and apparently, God already gave her a heads up and she was expecting it too. Totally cool! =)

Anyways, gotta work tomorrow. Sian. Missing church this week. =(

Well, i'm glad that God still remembers me and that everything's going good. Hope tomorrow's work will be ok.

Jehovah Jireh.

God my provider.

I received a phone call this morning from Gloria Jeans and they want to interview me this Wednesday! I'm so elated cos this is the branch that is at school so i can walk to work!!! Woohoo! =) I hope the pay is better and at the same time, can save transport money too cos Famous Amos is at Chadstone (a bus ride away).

Anyways, today's training was ok i guess. It kinda showed me that the culture was so stingy cos it was owned by an Asian. I don't like this kind of thing one man. So hope GJ is better than FA. Long story la and i can't be bothered bitching now. I wanna go watch Gossip Girl then slp soon. It's so early now but i need to recup on my rest =)

But God is good anyways... i've got like 5 job offers already! Gotta decide before my probation at Famous Amos is up! Hehe.. Also, tiffy texted me today when i was looking at the front cover of inside buzz. Talk about freaky. Tiffy and i have a connection.. haha...

School again tomorrow. Sian. Hope this psycho teacher is at least nice. Worried for my next assignment too.. =(

Salvatore Dali.

Today was uber cool. Went for service and i enjoyed myself. The message spoke to me man! Then Mah brought me to the Art Gallery to see Salvator Dali's work.

I am so inspired!!!!

Wow. He really is top notch artist man. I didn't expect the exhibition to be so huge but it was sooo interesting. Some of his works i just stood that admiring it for so long. hahaa.. so many ppl too so was a bit turned off but it was a good experience. I feel really inspired and uplifted somehow. It started off with paintings and techniques of using colours to bring about pictures. Then was using distinct lines and contrasts then he ventured to double images, symbolism and surrealistic art. I was pretty blown away... each gallery had a different theme and different techniques, different style of art and different messages. I wished i could do that kinda thing or something even close to that. I can't even draw an apple right =(
during the viewing also had a lot of distracting phone calls. But i picked up one which my mother called.. spoke to yeronn a bit today. Long time never talk to him already. Then Mah spoke to mother and brother too.... yeronn like totally nvr really respond lo. He say cannot hear.. but mother spoke to mah like quite long lo. Also don't know what they talking about. Anyways, this reminds me. Mah actually asked me to go meet his parents soon. Oh man... so stressful! See how la. hahahaa!

After that we went to the art market which was pretty cool. Reminds me of paddington's market in Sydney. A lot of artsy stuff too.. and baskers and all that shit. Cool stuff. Today is the arts scene.

I feel really happy actually. Like i dunno. I think Inspired is the word.

After that, i came home to receive the INside Buzz too! Woot!!!

Fed up.

I just got a call from Famous Amos who wants to hire me for a position. 2 weeks probation pay is $8/hr and $10/hr subsequently if i want to continue on. Fed up man!!!! Pay so little one!!!! I want to bitch.

Who am i to choose? I prayed and left it to God already and He did answer my prayer. I told God that the first one opening a vacancy to me is the org that God put me in. Still!!! I feel so sian... =( Then again, i know God wants me to be in this position where He provides for me little by little. It's frustrating!!!

Anyways, training next Monday at 130pm.

I just got an email from Mah. Think we might really talk things out soon. Oh man! But good la... it felt good hearing his heart abt things. Appreciate it heaps heaps.

Then again, i think i'm staying in Aussie for the holidays. Bummer. I feel so down now. What am i to do? I've bitched abt it already... but its just so damn sian! I do wanna go home... this is not home. I've made it my home but what's a home when no one is at home? Everyone's gonna fly away... and i miss everyone in singapore. =( Emo emo emo. But strangely, Famous Amos said they will give 20 hrs tax deductable then if i wanna work more, i can receive cash on hand. So sneaky... sigh. that means i gotta stay over the hols. =( !@#$%^&*()_(*&^%$#@!#$%^&*()(*&^%@!#$%^&
I gotta stop the flowery language soon. It's bad for health. =(

On the other hand, i've gotta submit to God's plans. It's so hard... In the process of trying to accept things and submitting with joy. =(

I missed Chaddy sale today to do assignment. I don't feel like doing now. Think i'll go have a chocolate paddle pop and go slp it off first.

And yea, i didn't like the sorbet i bought the last time so i bought another pint of ice cream and a box of 10 sticks of paddle pop. Lucky i bought them man... i think i'm gonna have to need it.

*sigh*

Moving On...

What's going on lately huh? Don't know leh. I don't feel like blogging cos i feel i've nothing to write. But once i start, I cannot stop. i Know. lol!

Oh, i think i cannot go back to Singapore end of the year already. No tickets left and no money! haha.. I might just spend Christmas here. I'm going to whine about it again... i'm going to be lonely with so much time in my hands. Perhaps there's a reason too. For now, it seems like i'll be lonely cos all my friends have gone back and Andrew's working so he can't hang with me too and i can't work that much cos i've a max 20 hour working limit per week on my visa. Am thinking of doing summer school maybe but it'll leave me with so much time and no money. Perhaps there's something God wants me to do here. I don't know... maybe reflect and meditate or something. Haha.. for now, i'll just take things as they come.

Recently i've still been in crazy mode. I think i've never felt so human in a long time since coming to Melbourne and it's pretty strange how i'm discovering emotions all over again and experiencing new things. It's a good thing but can be pretty scary.. i begin to accept myself more and see the ugly shit in my heart. Oh man... can i really make it on my own with no support? Cannot be lazy already.

What am i talking about? I also dunno. Urgh. Tomorrow's another day where i gotta settle another problem and have a talk. I'm so scared of what's going to happen. Aiya, don't care la. I got 3,000 word essay to write now. GG.

Jia you Per! You can do it.. go shower now!

TGIMFF.

Thank God It's My First Friday.

Today's the First Friday i'm home and not doing anything. all my friends are out partying at someone's bday but i chose to stay home and be a good girl. I'm actually gonna start my online lec now. I skipped school today again. I really didn't plan for this. Urgh! I've been skipping so much school its not even funny!

Anyways, i'm thinking about my next assignment that is huge.. and i'm getting frantic but am procrastinating not to do it to the point of even doing all my online lectures. omg. Ok, for tonight, i'll do my last online lec then freaking start on assignment like on Sunday or something. Also can't stop watching Gossip Girl! I'm so tempted right now to watch 1 ep and eat some ice cream before i go to bed.

Y am i feeling so miserable? Urgh! Tom's another party day cos its shyna's bday but its strange how i actually don't really feel like going. Y am i having that withdrawal thing again? GG.

You.

You bring me life, you bring me hope, you're all i need.

I was just listening to this lyric. How true and how easily we forget it is all about Him and it He that is all I need.

Today is Andrew's second week at house church and i'm so glad he came. He had so much work to do but chose to come so now, he's going home to continue his work and may not even be able to sleep tonight. I pray God grant him supernatural strength and focus ro complete what's at hand and that he will not feel lack in anything because of his decision to come no matter what his reasons are =)

God really brings me life. I really notice a huge difference when i choose to involve God in my life and the times when I simply forget about my maker. Yet, he is ever so merciful and patient to wait for me.

Thanks God!

Oh God.

High Positions
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2 by Os Hillman
Wednesday, September 09 2009

"The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position" (James 1:9).
Whenever God takes a saint to a very lowly state it is designed to accomplish something only that process can do. Job learned that "He reveals the deep things of darkness and brings deep shadows into the light" (Job 12:22). Job's trials allowed him to learn things about God, himself and his friends that we all needed to know as well. He assumed things about God that he had to recant: "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know" (Job 42:3).

God reveals things in the dark places of circumstances that will be used to reveal something He wants you and others to know. He has sent you ahead to learn these things so that you and others will benefit from your unique experience. God views this place where you receive these truths as a high position. The world views it as a place to be despised.

"He called down a famine on the land and destroyed all their supplies of food; and he sent a man before them - Joseph, sold as a slave. They bruised his feet with shackles, his neck was put in irons, till what he foretold came to pass, till the word of the Lord proved him true" (Psalms 105:16-19). Joseph was also led to this high position. It was here he was prepared to be the most powerful man in the world as a thirty-year old. He learned many things about God during his captivity that was used later as a ruler over a nation.

So, if you find yourself in a lowly state, realize your lowly state is considered a high position by God that is preparation soil for revealing deep things from the dark places that God desires you to learn.

PER-fected

This season is all about unmasking and being able to tell hurtful truths, face confrontations and grow. Every week i've been facing conflicting issues with the closest friends here. Every week. No shit and no coincidence. I know i've learnt and grown to be honest with my feelings and to be open with the truth, even if it hurts.

So far, it has been going well. I hate it when there's conflict or when there's disagreement. I hate it. But now, i've got to face it and not hide anymore in the name of peace. This helps people to grow and at the same time, i grow too. God has been real gracious tho cos all of the confrontations so far has yielded positive and stronger relationships. One more to go this weekend. I hope it will be the last.

As for me, my season and place is here. I have to do what i have to do. My security and identity is in Christ. Even if there's a falling out or if people hate me in the end, i know i've done the right thing. The only person I should please would be God.

Question is, have I?

-_-

This is how i look like now. -_-
Super tired. Just got up from snoozing 1.5 hours. oh man.. continue work again. gotta finish now.. later have shyna's bday dinner. I'm so tired. think im getting a sore throat alr. -_- haha.. this really look like me now! so funny.

Work Overload.

Oh man. I'm back to bitch about my assignments and my lack of productivity again!
So much work to do!!! Last week didn't even sleep much the whole week! Can you believe it... Everynight sleep at 3-4am then have to wake up like at 8-9 for school then on fri and sat night slept 3 & 4 hours respectively again! =S And tonight... gotta burn midnight oil with such little sleep. Tomorrow have to settle all the work again before Shyna's bday dinner. Omg. Help help!!!!

And what am i doing here? I only sit here and stare at my work. Sit for 3 hours already and still can't write 500 words! How ridiculous! Still have to re-do my group mate's work cos his english no good. Oh man. Malfunctioning already. I might fall sick soon man. =S GG.

su-Per Per.

today was productive. i think the most productive i've been so far. Studied for stats test tom... and man i can't do math! 6 - 0 = 0! that was how i get all my mistakes. calculation errors even with calculator in hand! i even did 2 square using a calculator! how lame is that? I'm appalled at how my math has deteriorated so much!

Anyways, watched 2 eps of gossip girl then met Andrew for dinner. it's like our 5th month already. so fast huh! after dinner we went for house church together. yay. it's like his first time! he said the ppl are real nice... hope he enjoys it =)

well, today was pretty groundbreaking. I had a breakthrough in communciation, tranparency and vulnerability. Remember i said, no more hiding behind a happy face mask? I feel good. Like this year i set out to learn how to self-disclose more.. and i think i did that pretty well. Now, I need to learn how to unmask and get in touch with my emotions. my facial expressions need to match how i feel in my heart. since when am i like that ah? i don't know man. I used to wear my emotions on my sleeves but now all i know how to do is smile. Woot... anyways, i had a good talk and i feel good now. i am an overcomer! this is the season where i am going through sandpaper. hurry up take shape alr!

Chomp Chomp.

These few days i've been eating so much. Y am i always hungry?

I had ham and cheese sandwich for dinner and i was not satisfied so I had another bowl of cereal. And i still want ot eat. Had a bag of salt and vinegar chips and a banana. I think i should stop this bad habit of eating before i sleep. Winter is going to be over! No more time for storing fats already... gone will be the days where i can hide behind big, comfortable coverups. Time to take out my abs and show off... wait. what abs? Sigh. Who am i kidding?

On the topic of eating, it's funny how Andrew and I always eat the same things and we didn't even communicate! He'll be like, i had ___ and i'll be like... ME TOO! Sounds like i always want to copy him. But it's such a strange phenomena... i'm pleasantly baffled. Yup, he had ham and cheese sandwich today too. The other time was so strange. He had tuna sandwich which his mom made and he hates tuna but still ate it anyways. And i suddenly craved for tuna and had one too! So maybe if i suddenly craved for a girl, i know he's cheating behind my back! hahaha.. cannot run away lo~!!! =)

Anyways, i've finally finished my 2,000 word leadership essay which i took 14 hours just to write 1,500 words yesterday. Speaking of lack of focus and waste of time! I just can't sit there and do la. Anyways, it's now done and over!!! Woo! Next, research for International Business, study for Friday's Stats test and prepare for Tuesday's debate which includes another 1,000 words on top of it. =S

When oh when can i catch up on my lectures and tuts? Skipped lecture again today... was supposed to wake up at 9.30 but no... i woke up at 12.30 - 3 hours late!!!

Someone kill me now. I need to slp. Tomorrow's the 9am class!

GG.